This is from the Made in His Image blog.
An eating disorder.
This is not about food.
This is not about looking good in a dress or wanting to be a supermodel. This is not about wanting the cute guys to turn their heads and stare at your beauty. This is not about going to a store, sliding a size zero skirt over your hip bones, and laughing all the way to the check out counter.
This is not about wanting attention. This is not about enjoying feeling death and refusing food until you need to be force-fed with a tube in an ICU. It is not about deliberately annoying the nurses on the ED unit by hiding your Cliff Bar and Boost under your sweatshirt and stashing butter in the bed pans. It is not about selfless starving for all the children in Africa. It is not about the latest fad diet or losing the holiday weight. It is not about reading fashion magazines and pining for the Body Mass Index of Paris Hilton’s pet Chihuahua.
This is about having the self-esteem of an insect. This is about having no life because it’s impossible to go out with friends to a restaurant and order a bowl of dry lettuce. This is about weighing, measuring and counting pasta, cereal, raisins and anything that passes your lips, including toothpaste. This is about secrets, lies and shame. This is about not wanting to admit that you need to eat and that you deserve to live.
This is about being scared. This is about being terrified. Of everything.
This is about control. This is about numbing away the feelings of abuse. This is about starving away the pain. This is about wanting to disappear, so as not to be taken advantage of again. This is about hiding under layers of clothing that are mostly black so that no one sees your womanly body. This is about non-verbal communication. This is about avoiding. This is about denying the past. This is about intense self-hatred.
This is about needing so much that you can’t stand it. This is about wanting to not need anything at all. This is about not wanting to be touched but afraid to be let go. This is about having emotions that bubble up and spill out and scare people away. This is about being so overwhelmed and traumatized that it’s easier to avoid everything by obsessing over the amount of calories in a grapefruit. It is about getting lost in the mirror and scale instead taking responsibility and facing the truth.
This is about wanting to be safe. This is about wanting to curl up in a nutshell and ignore the big bad world that’s too noisy and dangerous and can’t be trusted. This is about not trusting anyone and relying on food (or lack of) to give you an all enveloping comfort blanket when the feelings bloat you up and make you feel fat, ugly and intolerable in your skin.
This is about really crappy coping methods. This is about a way of life you’ve known for 13 years. This is about habit and second nature. This is about making a choice that could kill you. This is about chaotic relationships, hospitalizations, devastated families, worried friends, treatment programs, trying and failing, and more hospitalizations. This is about losing your period, failed kidneys, and hollow bones. This is about cardiac arrest at age 21. This is about being sick. This is about not being sick enough to think you need, or agree to go into, treatment. This is about being so sick that you have to be court ordered into a hospital.
This is about trying to be understood. This is about fighting with all you’ve got and more hard work than you ever imagined. This is about exhaustion, tears and needing support. This is about fighting a battle with yourself and the world. This is about trying to survive.
This is not about food.
P.S. You are enough.
This is from the Chastity Project’s blog and orinally posted on the Life Teen Blog, which can be found at:
So you’ve met a guy. What do you do next? Act interested? But you don’t want to come on too strong. Ignore him? But then he won’t know you’re alive. Knock him to the ground? No, that only works in first grade. Though I’ve landed quite a catch now (shout out to my wonderful husband, Brian!), I remember it all too well … trying to get the attention of a guy you’re interested in without making a fool of yourself.
I’m so thankful I didn’t have to deal with facebooking, snap-chatting, instagramming, and tweeting when I was in high school. Nowadays girls spend so much time updating their status, checking to see who liked a comment or picture, and thinking they’re getting to know the perfect guy, who happens to look like Ryan Gosling. (It’s always such a letdown to learn that the Internet’s prince charming actually looks more like that boy from Diary of a Wimpy Kid.) Flirting doesn’t have to be painful, it can actually be fun! I’m not talking about playing games with guys – trying to make every guy you meet think that you like them; that’s rude.
So what’s a girl supposed to do when she meets a guy she’s interested in? Here are a few things I’ve learned …
Just be yourself. If the guy doesn’t seem interested in what you have to say, it’s his loss.
Keep busy with the things and people that bring you happiness. God wants us to be happy. Seek out the people, conversations, and activities that bring you joy.
There are plenty of people out there to get to know, and more than enough time to find the interesting ones to spend time with.
Luckily The Bachelorette is not your guide for how quickly you have to share your life story before the next contestant enters the room. You’re a treasure to be sought after, so let the guy do the work in getting to know you.
That doesn’t mean reveal your whole body. If the lack of your clothing is what attracts a guy, don’t be surprised when he doesn’t seem interested in the real you. Being stared at all day by every guy that walks by is not what is going to make you happy. Summertime is a great time to wear bright, fun colors that catch a guy’s eye. Not to run around in public wearing shorts that look like underwear.
Be the happy version of yourself. You don’t need to act like you’ve just won a million dollars if you’re having the worst day of your life, but you also don’t need to act like you’re sharing your deepest thoughts with your therapist.
Let a guy know you’re interested and really listen to him. And not just the stories he’s telling, listen to the words he’s using to communicate. Does he need to use bad language to sound cool or get a laugh? Does he need to talk negatively about others to make himself feel better? Don’t waste your time on a guy who isn’t going to add something positive to your life.
Remember God has a plan for your life, a plan to bring you great joy and happiness (Jeremiah 29:11-15). Don’t stress thinking you’re going to mess up God’s plan if you say the wrong words, get caught on a day you haven’t done your hair, or laugh at all the wrong times. God wants your happiness even more than you do; you can trust that He’ll provide for everything you need.